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Wulffmorgenthaler

Ostrich vs Men

I read that an ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain - in fact this reminds me of some people I know...

The Chastity Belt

In days of old, when knights were bold, this particular knight was leaving for a crusade and called one of his squires: "I'm leaving for the crusade. Here is the key to my wife's chastity belt. If, in 10 years, I haven't returned, you may use the key as I'm sure she will have needs."

The knight sets out on the dusty road, armored from head to toe. He takes one last look at his castle and sees the squire rushing across the drawbridge, yelling, "Stop! Stop! Thank goodness I was able to catch you. This is the wrong key."

Oferta de Trabalho [grande lisboa]

Declamação / Recitação de Poesia

Empresa ramo Produção necessita de declamador ou recitador para declamar/recitar excertos de Poesia.
- Sexo M / F.
- Com Experiência (que deverá de demonstrar!) de já ter realizado experiência análoga ou similar.

Enviar informação ac/ *** , para **@***.mail.pt

- Nota Juntar foto.
Exibir ou demonstrar aonde e em que circunstâncias declamou e ou recitou.



PS: Isto é real! :)

Reza e serás ajudado!

Call Center
Um cliente liga e reporta um problema na sua ligação à internet; o agente responde:

"Por favor reze 10 ave marias e vai ver que o seu problema é resolvido rapidamente"

O cliente responde:
"Mas... por milagre?"

Agente: "Milagre? Isso não existe - mas assim terão passado 20min e eu posso transferir a chamada a alguém que o vai ajudar!"

Azul ... ou turquesa ?

Me: "Lembras-te da cor de ontem?"

Gume: "Não... qual era?"

M: "Turquesa..."

G: "Não admira que não me lembre, também com esse nome!..."

... ...

M: "Sabes que cor é turquesa?"

G: "É Azul?..."



PS: Para não haver dúvidas coloco uma imagem da turquesa no post! LOL

Modernices

"Queres casar comigo?"





"Não! Já tenho a bonificação máxima no empréstimo habitação!.. "



For C.O. :)

Best Friends

Vejam até ao fim, vale a pena :)

Há coisas que nunca mudam...

Multi-tasking

Multitasking is the performance by an individual of appearing to handle more than one task at the same time > which can [unfortunatly] be only found in women (and 0,000001% of men)


Referring to this fact, applied to networking, a MEN said:
"Men are half-duplex and women are full-duplex."


For those who won't know...
A half-duplex system provides for communication in both directions, but only one direction at a time (not simultaneously).

A full-duplex, or sometimes double-duplex system allows communication in both directions, and unlike half-duplex, allows this to happen simultaneously.


"Do you hear that, Mr. Anderson? That is the sound of inevitability."

The offer for help he just couldn't refuse

Japonese cm “yes, I payed for my internet and it doesn’t work”
Miss Agent: Do u have a username ?
Japonese cm:” no”
Miss Agent: Ok, I can try to reach the details, may I ask your name ?
?”$#%?#$%)&#$%()”$=#$%)#$%) … !!!!
Miss Agent: Can I have the name of the hotel?
Japonese cm: ”This is bullshit hotel!”





....
@ the end
Japonese cm “thank you very much! what’s your name?
Miss Agent “Marzia”
Japonse cm “ MAFIA?!”
I can spell it for you “ M-A-R-Z-I-A “




* For Marzia ;) ofc

Issue: no brain found, please press F1 to continue

Call Center:

"We have figured out the issue already but are sad to inform you that we haven't got a fix yet for the stupidity bug encountered"

All in one?

Five tips for a woman

1. It is important that a man helps you around the house and has a job.

2. It is important that a man makes you laugh.

3. It is important to find a man you can count on and who doesn't lie to you.

4. It is important that a man loves you and spoils you.

5. It is important that these four men don't know each other

Simple Equation

How To Impress A Woman

Wine her, Dine her, Call her, Hug her, Support her, Hold her, Surprise her, Compliment her, Smile at her, Listen to her, Laugh with her, Cry with her, Romance her, Encourage her, Believe in her, Pray with her, Pray for her, Cuddle with her, Shop with her, Give her jewellery, Buy her flowers, Hold her hand, Write love letters to her, Go to the end of the Earth and back again for her.

How to impress a man:
Show up naked ... Bring chicken wings ... Don't block the TV


The Moods of a Woman...

An angel of truth and a dream of fiction,
A woman is a bundle of contradiction.
She's afraid of a wasp, will scream at a mouse,
But will tackle a stranger alone in the house.
Sour as vinegar, sweet as a rose,
She'll kiss you one minute, then turn up her nose,
She'll win you in rage, enchant you in silk,
She'll be stronger than brandy, milder than milk.
At times she'll be vengeful, merry and sad,
She'll hate you like poison, and love you like mad.

The Moods of a Man....

Hungry.
Horny.
Sleepy

Refund what?

Tech Support

Life is...

"Life's a bitch,
Then you marry one,
and then you die"

.... or not!


For El Negro

Oh my dear customer

"No sir, I am not angry at YOU, I am angry at the random act of fate that redirected your call to my extension..."

For M.

Txu myself and Gume

T: "Voltou-se a desligar sozinho, o computador!!!...."

G: "Então e já entendeste porque é que ele faz isso?"

....
T: "Não!... Ainda não sou psicóloga de computadores!..."



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